i enjoy holding your hands, your gentle kisses. i love the way your eyes brighten when you get excited, love the way ur mind works when ure serious. but im confused. confused about what this is, what i am, where this is going or how its even gonna turn out. honestly sometimes i dont know what to act. i dont know what im suppose to be even. and all i can do i assume. which i hate doing. which is infact what gets most people into trouble.
the things you do surprise me sometimes. some good, some bad. at times you make me feel like im special and everything else doesnt matter, yet sometimes it seems like im just another girl on the street just like everyone else. i really wish you could take a walk in my shoes, and see things from my perspective. perhaps it would answer a lot of your questions, cuz you cant quite answer a question with a doubt. i never liked being left hanging, being left out of the loop. it gets me really confused, and prolly makes me think a bit too much than what i should.
i wish i didnt have to feel this insecure, never wanted to hang on to something which doesnt seem to be there most of the times. i dont want to get my hopes up and see them crash, neither do i wanna give myself false hopes. its tiring. honestly it drains me out sometimes. and its not easy going on not knowing anything else except the fact that you do know everything. i dont want to walk away, neither do i want wake up someday and find out that you never really wanted to stay..
ive never been happier having my stress levels raised this way.
sometimes i wish u were right by my side. just to hold me and not say a word. sometimes i dont even understand why the tears just fall. sometimes it hurts, sometimes it doesnt make sense too. but its a secret beauty, that only i see. and its when you find something that’s as enchanting and raw, something so real and unpolished, that u really do know, that’s what special means.
always love – nada surf
the surprise party for evelyn on saturday turned out pretty cool. kieron was so sweet to plan the whole entire thing. there was even a fake planed party to distract her. it was really really sweet. especially the part when she teared. its quite rare to see guys but in so much effort these days. and im dreamin on my prince charming to come sweep me off my feet one day. every girl dreams of that.
dessert and coffee after was lovely. someone felt a little adventurous so we traveled all around singapore, almost. somehow it didnt feel like time was passing by so quickly at all. there were moments i wished time had froze right there and then.everything else doesnt matter sometimes, when you’ve got the right company.
i don’t like goodbyes. never did.
we are golden – mika
major party at zouk on Friday. somehow everyone from church was down. and drinks were never ending. i think by 1 or 2 everyone was pretty smashed. and its so bizarre how much silly stuff the guys would do when they’re high. funny as hell. dancing off the dance floor was way better than dancing in it. 2 songs and i was too grossed out by the sweaty bodies making out. i never understood that.
i was so so glad theo and josh came too. at least there was some sane company. and somehow my friends said im on my phone texting or doing something half the time. i never ever realize that. oh well.. it was a decently fun night. i think im getting too old to party.. then again, maybe it just wasnt crazy enough..
im afraid that im stumbling onto something i shouldnt go near to. not now at least. it feels like walking into a candy store and finding the secret door to the hidden factory. im afraid to think of you, yet there are so many things i wanna tell you. and when i do see you, its like my brain stops functioning, and its just blank, and all i wanna do is stare at you.
sometimes u ask me why do i look at you like that? or why do i give you that look? but honestly im not giving u any look. i dont even know what it is. im just finding my way back to earth again. u take my mind to places ive never dreamt of. pleasant, maybe not, but each experience is new, wild and surreal. u make me think. a lot about things people normally overlook, about the things we tend to just brush aside or are too scared to face up to. i admire your courage to face the blunt truth, even though sometimes i find the truths too real to believe. i believe there’s a miracle in everything, but the miracle in you is that you turn that into logic which actually makes sense.
more photos of last wed’s girls night out. for a moment i did feel like old times. dancing our hearts out with not a single care in the world. things change, people grow old, but the special moments will always be there.