goodbye to you – michelle branch
the music plays, with a thousand strangers passing by
i just couldn’t help but stop and stare
something so intriguing i can’t quite describe
a million things going through my mind, yet somehow it feels so bare…
i don’t quite understand the way i’m feeling these days. its frustrating, yet somehow i feel like im too tired and sick of everything to be bothered. it’s as if there was something pressing on your chest trying to slowly suffocate you. you seek pleasures in the things around you. the people, the things, whatever you can get your hands on. but at the end of the day, you return to face the same you. perhaps its the you that you don’t quite recognize anymore. perhaps its the denial of reality. either way, it’s just draining. thinking too much really gets to your head.
sometimes you just get this feeling where you just wanna cry your eyes out. just keep crying and letting everything out. i’ve been feeling that for a while now, yet the tears just don’t seem to fall. i need a release. a breakthrough. somewhat. before everything else inside collapse. everyday, i open my eyes and wish that i could just not face the day. i don’t understand how long i can go on keeping quiet and taking all this crap from people i don’t wanna face, doing work i hate to do. i hate seeing how plastic they can be. the forced smile hiding snides and mockery. i hate how they pretend to be helping you and being nice to you when they don’t really give a shit but just want their work to be done. honestly, i don’t give a shit if your ass gets whooped by your client or not. maybe i’m just not cut out for the industry. i really need the strength to endure this period of time. the light aint burning any stronger anymore.
its disheartening, depressing and destructive. the more i go on this way the more i withdraw myself from this world. the more i wanna run away and hide away. i really wanna cry and let everything out. Jesus, please just let the tears fall.
what’s worse is returning home to nothing. knocking off at the end of the day with nothing to look forward to, and just fear for the next day will come too quickly. this really isnt anything i picture 2008 to be. every morning i sit and stare at the computer and think when can i ever be freed from this misery. or at least given a bit of hope to look forawrd to. someone to come home to, someone who would make me laugh and hear me whine. sometimes i just feel like screaming at the top of your lungs. or punching something so hard and wacking the crap outta that thing. sometimes i just wanna sing my emotions out, or run away to never never land. i need to get it out of my system.
if tomorrow never comes,
i just wanna see a familiar smile,
wanna hear that silly laughter,
wanna see that spark in your eye.