Monthly Archives: February 2008

chasing my thoughts away to a place where i’m blinded by the light

goodbye to you – michelle branch

 

the music plays, with a thousand strangers passing by

i just couldn’t help but stop and stare

something so intriguing i can’t quite describe 

a million things going through my mind, yet somehow it feels so bare…

 

i don’t quite understand the way i’m feeling these days. its frustrating, yet somehow i feel like im too tired and sick of everything to be bothered. it’s as if there was something pressing on your chest trying to slowly suffocate you. you seek pleasures in the things around you. the people, the things, whatever you can get your hands on. but at the end of the day, you return to face the same you. perhaps its the you that you don’t quite recognize anymore. perhaps its the denial of reality.  either way,  it’s just draining. thinking too much really gets to your head.

sometimes you just get this feeling where you just wanna cry your eyes out. just keep crying and letting everything out. i’ve been feeling that for a while now, yet the tears just don’t seem to fall. i need a release. a breakthrough. somewhat. before everything else inside collapse. everyday, i open my eyes and wish that i could just not face the day. i don’t understand how long i can go on keeping quiet and taking all this crap from people i don’t wanna face, doing work i hate to do. i hate seeing how plastic they can be. the forced smile hiding snides and mockery. i hate how they pretend to be helping you and being nice to you when they don’t really give a shit but just want their work to be done. honestly, i don’t give a shit if your ass gets whooped by your client or not. maybe i’m just not cut out for the industry. i really need the strength to endure this period of time. the light aint burning any stronger anymore. 

 its disheartening, depressing and destructive. the more i go on this way the more i withdraw myself from this world. the more i wanna run away and hide away. i really wanna cry and let everything out. Jesus, please just let the tears fall. 

what’s worse is returning home to nothing. knocking off at the end of the day with nothing to look forward to, and just fear for the next day will come too quickly. this really isnt anything i picture 2008 to be. every morning i sit and stare at the computer and think when can i ever  be freed from this misery. or at least given a bit of hope to look forawrd to. someone to come home to, someone who would make me laugh and hear me whine. sometimes i just feel like screaming at the top of your lungs. or punching something so hard and wacking the crap outta that thing. sometimes i just wanna sing my emotions out, or run away to never never land. i need to get it out of my system. 

if tomorrow never comes,

i just wanna see a familiar smile,

wanna hear that silly laughter,

wanna see that spark in your eye. 

  

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over exposed

new revelation sheds light on a shady path

what seemed like innocent games unfolds a dark malicious intent

i never expected myself to remain so calm

perhaps things were never the way it was

perhaps it was just my imagination fooling around with me

 

they say the eyes are windows to your soul

and yet its so hard to cotrol what youre exposed to

u dont want to believe what has unfold

regret comes early to a fool

 

somethings willnever be understood

somethings always remain a mess

silence maybe be an easy way out

yet a test is still a test

 

innocent dreams shattered like a soiled canvas

a slip is all it takes

a journey that’s begun cannot be back tracked

even when everything’s about to break 

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dreamin dreamin

hate that i love you – rihanna feat. ne-yo

something inside me changed today. i woke up feeling different. i can’t quite make out what it is, but i just know what it’s gonna be. with all my heart, i thank God for it. a blessing in disguise, the silver lining i needed, a wake up call. whatever it is, it’s never gonna turn that way again. at least in the near future and as long as it would be. i guess a little something died inside. till today i can’t quite figure if its good or not, but im praying the same prayer, to be faithful and have the peace and joy. i guess im pretty much tired of all the noise and chaos around. if only i could have the child-liked innocence once again. 

service seemed somewhat like a valentine’s special! seeing all the couples get water baptized together. it was actually sweet. especially the older ones. so sunday branch at dempsey’s didnt quite turn out. we ended up at hv for coffee club and da paolo’s tiramisu! yum yum! 

next up was zouk flea with nicole! it was pretty good actually! i managed to get 2 tops at a steal! by 3 the crowd got really bad and singaporeans really do not have any manners! whatever happened to excuse me and sorry?! oh wells. came back home to bum and escape from the heat then met a few of the guys called for dinner and shisha again so we headed down to haji lane.

its quite nice chilling there. el-shiek’s roof top’s pretty nice with the cool night breeze.  someone’s crazy idea to go to mustafa at like 12 plus. wow. but it was fun! haha.. there’s just so many things to look at.

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delinquents: nicole, stanley, myself, ralph, jo, bruce, juan, brenden & linda

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people do stupid things when they’re bored.

what’s with the man boobs dudes?!!

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please don’t stop the music

displaced – azure ray

saturday was spent at the beach again. yay! with the sister nicole. i didnt expected to go having reached home at 6 in the morning! oh well. but it was good! the sun rocked! it was a very lazy saturday. u know the ones where u just wanna lie there and watch the clouds go by and not do anything. it was still pretty fun. haha.. perhaps its the like-mindedness and our full of nonsense that keeps us self entertained!

lunch was quite a mess. a couple of random things all over. headed off to vivo, ended up at swensens. i think it’s the view next to the windows that made it look inviting. so it was some ice cream and fries. then the boy ashley called. and came to pick us up and it was off to Chinatown!! fun fun. there is just so many things to look at there! i realize i was a very very very horrible front seat passenger. haha. here’s why.

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i dont think anyone can possibly drive with me in the front seat! poor ashley! haha..

it was a tad bit rush cuz we had to get some stuff for the night. so ran aroud great world city and all. pretty fun i’d say!

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Things get heated at Fight Club 

by the time we slacked around and prepare it was pretty late before we headed down to meet some of the guys for their bbq. i guess it was pretty much an unplanned last min one. we got there ar 9 and nothing was started! haha.. but the prep part’s always fun. and these guys are crazziiiee!! especially the ang-gong-kia terrance! ahaha.. hilarious! they’re just one big bunch of fun.

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jo the official bbq chef!

jac, ralph, terrance, stan, juan, and branden 

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um.. some leg lock stun by terrance and ralph. pretty cool i’d say! 

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boys will be boys. and i still cant imagine how juan can hang from the punching bag by his legs. omg! 

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we have hot clean up crew! woot woot! hahahaha.. 

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false hopes and empty promises

collide – rachel yamagata

im seeing waayy too much of nicole!!! haha.. but its good. my sister aye! friday was pretty chill. took time off to recover from thursday’s fever and flu. caught jumper before work at Pluck! Jumper’s not all that fantastic. but cool concept though. teleportation has always been of great interest and fascination to me. after which it was work at Pluck! i really miss the place a whole lot. just walking down the quiet lane, well it’s not all that quiet now, and meeting all sorts of customers in the shop is such a refreshing, yet nostalgic change. especially from being cooped up in the office.

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amelia!!

so somehow the schedule got kinda mixed up and amelia and i were both told to work when it was only suppose to be one. so got to see the girl for a bit! i miss u babe! it was just pretty quiet and chill that night.

on the way home, i kinda got dragged down to zouk. i totally had no intention to club whatsoever. the neighbour Gary was gonna leave for china for 2 months, and it was his farewell thing so just pop by to say hi and all. i didnt expect them to have SO SO SO much drinks. omg. there were so many shots and about 10 jugs of drinks. played 5-10 to down 6 of them. thank god i didnt have to drink that much, cuz the rest of them were all tipsy and high. and somehow we stayed till the end of everything, plus supper! so much for heading home early to sleep! there was quite a few photos, but all with gary!! i want them! oh well. so much for a quiet friday night.

EDITED

yay! so i finally got the photos.

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the neighbour gary and company!

i’ll miss u boy! come back soon!

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love is in the air

a valentine’s countdown with the best girls at zouk on wed. and somehow neither of us planned for this. it was pretty crazy that night. random faces and tons of crazy dancing. its amazing how we all lasted till it ended! plus supper!!

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the girls: vanessa, theo, myself, nicole & shin

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heating things up with some flaming lambo!

the guys: josh, liang and gavin

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let it go – corrine may

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an unexpected turn

a twist of fate

stars realigned

i can’t quite dictate

flying in the wind like a wild flower

free spirited, carefree

it can go on forever

if only it could be

 

ive finally had it. i saw it coming. yet it still came rather unexpectedly. i coulnt take it any longer. all these stess weighing me down. and i dunno was it the stress of meeting the deadlines or the exhaustion, but before i knew it the tears just rolled down. worse still. it was uncontrollable. i couldnt take being treated like this. i just sat there and burried my head in between frantically trying to complete the task at hand. i was rushing work, and more just piled in. it’s like tightening the cap of a shaken fizzy soda. this case it was shaking the bottle even harder. all i remembered was thinking of leaving. getting out of the country. never ever looking back. i wish i had someone to talk to. someone who would understand and not tell me “you’ll be ok, don’t worry” perhaps someone who would just listen and not tell you what you can or cannot do. its frustrating how no one understands what u go through. and its frustrating to be trying your very best to get the job done well, and yet it seems like you’re hopeless. i felt like jumping off the tallest building, free falling and perhaps never returning. it felt as if everything inside just crashed. i remembered just shaking my head and repeatedly saying i cant take it anymore. it was painfully miserable.

not having anyone to understand you makes it even worse. especially on the day when the world is celebrating love. and all your friends are expecting you to be out. i hate answering the question, so why arent you out on a date?! what am i suppose to say?! oh wells. today was a pretty bad day. especially after receiving bad news after bad news. story of my life. how awesome.

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